What do you do when everything seems to happen at once and you can’t seem to get out from under the pile? For me I start to “turtle” and give up on everything until I can grab a thread to pick it back up again. My blog here is one of those things that I just found too easy to walk away from.
I’ve never been a great writer and yet I live in a house full of them. I often wish I could just stand by them and pick up bits of their talent to use. Writing is a thing that relaxes me but I need a purpose for it and this blog of my faith is my purpose.
Up until about a year ago, I had no faith. Too much had been taken from me with what I thought was little return. I spent time reflecting on why did I have to have such difficult times and then God whispered to my heart that difficult times make you appreciate the good times you have. Why did I have to struggle with my relationship with my children’s father? So that I could love my current husband all the more. Why did my parents die? Now this is the most difficult question that really can be answered that it was due to their poor health or life upheaval or just their age. I think it was because not only was it their time to go home to the Lord but it forced me to love those around me even more knowing that their time on earth could be up in a moment. My parents leaving for their eternal rest also gave me the opportunity to focus my attention on my husband and children where if my mom and dad were here still today, most of my attention would be given to taking care of them and that’s not what they would have wanted for me. They wanted me to be happy so it was their time to be with God and my time to focus on my family.
I don’t want any one to think that I trivialize the loss of my parents. I miss my mom and dad daily and yet I still see and hear them when it is most important. When I truly need their guidance they are there for me with suggestions or answers to the questions that need help with the answer but they step away when it is time for me to solve my problems on my own. They may not be here alive with me but they are always parents offering those little nuggets of guidance to me when it is necessary.
God also, like a parent, steps in when it is necessary. I have started to focus a lot more on my own prayer life. I read that when we get the desire to pray it is actually God tapping us on the shoulder to say, “Let’s talk, I want to know what’s going on with you.” This thought brought me such joy. The idea that God who has literally billions of people to care for wants to find out what going on with me and all I have to do is give God a few minutes of my time. If He thinks I need His guidance, He gives it to me otherwise it is up to me to solve the problem.